Salem Nyati, Consumer Financial Education Specialist at Momentum Group

The 25^th of the month is finally here, but before your salary has even cleared your account, a text pings from your 27-year-old son, telling you he has (yet again) lost his job and needs to borrow money for rent. Your partner drops by and takes R800 from your purse to put petrol in his car, and later that same day, you eWallet a few thousand rand to your parents to help them cover their bills, just like you do each month.

Before you know it, you’re left with barely enough to cover your own expenses.

This is the reality of many South African women, says Salem Nyati, Consumer Financial Education Specialist at Momentum Group, who “find their hard-earned money disappearing from their account each month as a result of financial demands placed on them by friends and family.”

In South Africa, this issue is especially pertinent, given that it is customary in many communities for individuals to simultaneously support both their parents and children, which is known as “black” or “sandwich” tax.

Nyati says that around 38% of the country’s households are headed up by women – yet female breadwinners struggle disproportionally when it comes to the tax they pay, placing them under further financial pressure.

One report from the Stellenbosch Business School found that single-income households bear a heavier tax load than dual-income households earning the same amount. “Since many households are supported solely by women, and single mothers often shoulder the majority of childcare, this imbalance results in women carrying a disproportionate share of the tax burden,” says Nyati.

Nyati said that women need to create strong and healthy financial boundaries with those who rely on them financially –  whether it be a child, parent, friend or partner.

“It is important to determine the difference between essential support for dependents – for example, providing for small children or a sickly parent who cannot work – and that which is enabling irresponsible financial behaviour or stopping you from fulfilling your financial obligations,” she says.

Nyati says it's vital to consider the following when you're asked to help someone financially:

Can you afford it?

Before reaching into your pocket, pause and take an honest look at your budget. Are your essential needs, savings goals and debt repayments covered? If helping someone else means dipping into credit, delaying your bills or sacrificing your future security, there should be a very good reason. “For the same reason that aeroplane passengers are told to put on their own oxygen masks before their children’s, always put your financial stability first – it’s the foundation that allows you to support others sustainably,” says Nyati.

Is your financial support doing more harm than good?

Sometimes, stepping in repeatedly can create dependency rather than empowerment. Ask yourself: Is my help encouraging responsible choices, or enabling poor financial habits? “For example, covering someone’s bills every month may remove the urgency for them to seek employment or manage their money better. Healthy support helps someone get back on their feet – not stay reliant on yours,” says Nyati.

What is the timeline?

Financial support should come with clear limits. Decide upfront how long you are comfortable providing assistance and communicate this openly. Whether it’s one month, six months, or until a specific milestone is met, setting a timeline prevents endless dependence and protects your own financial plans. Boundaries are easier to maintain when they’re agreed upon from the start.

Set the boundary.

Once you have made the decision on whether or not you can help a loved one, it is important to be upfront with them about what you can and cannot do financially, and communicate your boundaries clearly. Setting expectations early avoids misunderstandings and resentment later. Saying “no” may feel uncomfortable, but consistency helps protect both your finances and your relationships.

Consider a middle ground.

A friend asks to borrow R3000 from you for their new business venture, promising they will repay you. While you want to help them, you know they have a poor track record when it comes to borrowing money. “Consider telling them you’re not able to lend them the amount they’re asking for, but you’re prepared to offer a smaller amount of R500 as a gift towards their new venture. In this way, you can offer them support, but without placing you under excessive financial pressure or damaging your relationship when they inevitably don’t return the money.”

Soften the blow.

If you decide to support a friend or family member, look for ways to mitigate the impact on your finances. Reassess your budget and potential areas where you could cut your expenses or non-essential spending, while simultaneously identifying opportunities for additional income generation.

“If you’re under increased pressure because of a loved one needing your financial support, some credit providers will offer a temporary premium payment holiday, providing some relief. Communicate this upfront – don’t just miss a payment - and resume payments on the agreed date to avoid tarnishing your credit record,” says Nyati.